I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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