True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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