We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
