it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
