I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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