I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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