I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
