can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize