Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
