Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
