dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
