My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
