Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
