What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
