Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
