note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
