And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
