can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
