OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
