On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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