you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
