Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
