I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
