my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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