I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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