It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
