Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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