I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
