1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
