I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
