So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
