I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need to calm my uterus...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
