I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just invented taco cereal.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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