My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
