dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
