im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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