Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
