if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
