we're chasing vodka with high fives
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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