I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
