No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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