you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
