sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize