The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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