I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
