what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
