So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize