Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My cat gives me a boner
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
