We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
