My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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