Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
