I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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