i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
