Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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