we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
