Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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