just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
