break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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