Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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