so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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