I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
