Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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