dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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