she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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