I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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