I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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