i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
