She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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