yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
