in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
